Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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