her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
