So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
