cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize