I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
