My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
