Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kissed a someone with a penis
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
