Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
