On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
