Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
