i don't like sucking hair
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
there is glitter all over my balls
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
