What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
