you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
