I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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