I think I died a long time ago.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
