He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
