I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont even know how to be here
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
