a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
