first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
