***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
