I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You pole danced in your parka.
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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