So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She bit a glass in half.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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