She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
