Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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