She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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