I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
