they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
