remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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