hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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