Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
