i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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