Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
