nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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