As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
