Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
