i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
