i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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