just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
