i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
