Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
