I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
