So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
