Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
