If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
