So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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