I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
