my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
