Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
