i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
