i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
