i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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