we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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