theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
