id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
