Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
