literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
