its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
