he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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