I could have mohawked her pubes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
