I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
