i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
