I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
