Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
