i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
