She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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